The Internet Versus Me

Tonight, I went to a collection of musical performances. It had its ups and downs. Let’s review.

The Venue: Party Expo

Party Expo is a new place, pretty close to where I live. It is safe to say that I would never go there if it was more than a 5 minute walk. You can’t drink there, unless you are sneaky, and are willing to pour your drinks into plastic cups.

I love drinking, and do it all the time, from sunrise to sunset. Sometimes I also wake up, in the middle of the night, and take a drink of brandy. I am not actually conscious when I do this. It’s just my alcoholism kicking in, in the dead of night.

So, obviously, the sneakiness is pretty annoying. Partially they do this to make it an “all ages club,” though I saw one solitary person who was possibly younger than 21. Probably/mainly they do this because they are too incompetent and/or broke to get a liquor license.

The “scene.”

I went there because I like music made from old video game consoles. I also went there because it’s close to where I live. Unfortunately, none of my friends share my love of gameboy sounds, so I went alone. This is pretty typical for me when I go to these kinds of shows.

Someone had decided to book some “real bands” as well. I actually thought this was awesome. The other chip fans seemed to think it was less awesome.

It understand this annoyance. From what I could tell, the “real musicians” brought no one to the show. No one was making any money in the first place, so now those tiny shreds of dollars had to be divided amongst more people. Of course, 0$ divided by whatever still equals 0$, so I guess it doesn’t matter.

And anyway, the only way Party Expo can make money is by “ripping off” musicians. They have no bar, so in order to pay rent, they (probably) have to extort the entire cover charge.

So everyone was pissed off, I think. Maybe this is why the chip fans all went outside to smoke when the “real bands” were playing. Maybe this is why the rock people ignored the chip people. Anyway, it was your typical New York night of people being jerks to each other, because apparently someone fucking cares. We are all very important.

The chip people:

Like I said, I went for the chip music. I think that watching this stuff is boringish. People hit buttons on a gameboy, and dance awkwardly.

However, I like it. I’m not totally sure why.

I thought Ro-bear was awesome, and Chipocrite moreso. However, I didn’t like Animal Style. I am supposed to. He is a big deal, with lots of fans, and he does actually play instruments, and what not. But I thought his songs all sounded the same, and were boring. So I left.

Possibly, I was bitter about him being funnier than me. At the end of this set, Chipocrite said that his last song was called “you’re fired.” Then he failed to play his song, and Animal Style said “you’re fired” as in “your song failed, you’re fired.” Everyone laughed.

Then I tried to make a joke, to everyone. This plan already had its flaws, as I was the weirdo who had no friends. As Chipocrite continued to fail, I said something like “that’s it guys, goodnight!” No one laughed, and I felt ashamed.

Of course, this was not because my joke wasn’t funny. It was very funny, if elaborate. I like to think that people just “didn’t get” my joke. Or they they thought I was a weirdo, since I had no friends. Contrarily, everyone there was friends with Animal Style, or at least wanted to be.

The “real musicians”

Some of the other bands were surprisingly good! Small Devices was pretty impressive, I thought, and they are based in Brooklyn, so I can see them again.

Hellvar, on the other hand, were ridiculously and totally awesome. They are from Iceland, and I totally wanted to hook up with their lead singer, even though I am far taller and better looking than she. Also, I am going to California Cryobank tomorrow, and must retain my precious sperm.

OK. Lots of stuff to regret in this post. Goodnight everybody!

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Music by Ricky